You sweet momma’s who love your children beyond what it seems is possible,
Your daughters are just a fragile as you.
Tonight I am sharing about my spiritual journey with some ladies who are also well along in their own journeys.
What can I say to these saints? Why would they be interested in what I have to say?
It is humbling. Humbling.
I am feeling weak and tepid knowing my journey had been slow going.
We had a wonderful Christmas. Everyone went home. Decorations were stored. Work and school resumed. Friends from overseas where coming for a visit in a few weeks; we were their first US stop.
Then the awful happened 4 days before they arrived.
Our dog was killed by a fast car. She slipped by a workman, out the gate. He was horrified crying when he came to get me. A local vet and her assistant happened to drive by. Nancy, my oldest ran out to help. Between them, they handled the horrible situation. I could not even think. Nancy sent me inside.
My family was heartbroken. Broken. 18 weeks later Meg said,
“I don’t want another dog; it is too soon. It has only been 18 weeks since Boomer died.”
Yes, we mourned. Hard. For me it was for my son and daughter who loved that dog so much. I loved floppy eared Boomer too. I was so sad for me, for each one of us. We wept until the friends came. We wept in the silence of the night.
Grief needs room.
The day before the friends left I tripped and broke my hand. Though it was winter, there was no ice involved. A badly stretched out shoe and hands too full caused the trip on our uneven sidewalk. An accident.
It still is swollen and hurts 5 months later.
I had wonderful support. I was blessed. In the mist of a mess and pain, you can’t see all the blessings and support. I am ashamed that it happened to me.
I could not drive. I could not open a can or twist the lid off a bottle of mineral water. For weeks.
One day, I complained bitterly and had a pity party. One day.
My sweet supportive daughter heard me. Heard me complain about her and others saying they were not supportive.
It is too easy to listen to lies.
Lies are so easily believed. Lies are so easily spoken.
She did so much for me. My gosh, she had to help me dress and rearrange my clothes I had put on that were all off kilter. She made meals.
She heard me in my thoughtless, untrue pity party.
I forgot the admonition to be slow to anger and slow to speak.
Instead, I went down the whinny path that turned into lies about the circumstances. About people who love me. Lies.
Attitude and not on my guard.
I have apologized. I have asked for forgiveness. I recounted all the things she had done and still does. I created a breach and need to carefully repair it. Need to be careful with her. With all my loved ones.
I pray those words she heard will not be her mantra years from now. Even tomorrow.
She told me and then reminded me through tears what she had done. For me.
Truth that gently chastised my heart that was shamed.
She is a young woman of worth and quality. She is a woman of God.
I was selfish saying words of emotion that had no basis of fact that slammed others.
I pray my girls, daughters (and DIL) and granddaughters will know the truth about who they are in Christ and be enabled to stand steadfast in that truth when lies creep in.
Thankfully, God knows our hearts and needs. He sent the Holy Spirit.
Though I am forgiven, I am also disciplined and must continue to practice and refine His truths in my words and deeds.
God’s grace is sufficient for me and her. That is truth but it is not an excuse to not learn, change habits and attitudes. To be vigilant.
So, what will I share tonight?
Growing can be difficult and heart breaking. My journey is still one of learning and growth. But we continue to move toward the upward calling of Jesus.
I want to remember that and to pass that truth along to my children in all my actions and words even when those words must be “please forgive me.”
That is a timeless truth.
For us all.